Baylor Summer Vacay

Since no one really wants to talk about their cervix directly on facebook, I figured I'd leave all the fun details to the ole' blog.  I'll start with yesterday afternoon.

I started having pretty regular contractions at work yesterday around 1:45 (this was after only doing deskwork), which continued to get more intense and closer together, so I laid down on one of the stretchers to see if that would help.  They were soon 3-5 minutes apart, and at 3:45 my very sweet friend Mindy drove me up to the hospital and my mom met me there.  Seth arrived soon after.

Sure enough, it wasn't all in my head and those contractions were the real deal!  I was given a shot of terbutaline to slow them down (which has the not-so-fun side effects of anxiety, feeling jittery, and feeling like your heart is going to beat out of your chest), and also a shot of steroid to help the baby's lungs develop should anything happen.  Overnight they just monitored me and gave me extra IV fluids, and this morning I required another shot to slow contractions.  The specialist arrived about 9ish and did a sonogram to check the length of my cervix. (backtrack to Tuesday....my regular OB was concerned that the cervix was a little on the short side at 2.7cm.  She wanted it above 3).  So when he checked it today, it had shortened even more to 2.2cm.  Without a second breath, he said I will be in the hospital on bedrest for at least 2-4 weeks.  Closer to the 4 week mark being more realistic.  And possibly longer.  He wants me to be 36 weeks before he is comfortable with me delivering.

Soooo, yeah.  It's a bit of a shocker.

They will check the length again on Monday, and I'm not sure how frequently after that.  But I'm on another oral med every six hours to relax my uterus (and have a beet red, burning hot face because of that one).

I know I'm exactly where I need to be right now to keep my baby safe, and I know that God is absolutely in control, it's just not how anyone dreams of spending their first pregnancy.  I was looking forward to baby showers, and maternity pictures, and putting the finishing touches on the nursery.  And taking my maternity leave after he's born, not before.  I won't get to see my puppies for who knows how long, and those who really know me know that the beagle and I are a little codependent.  So I'm a little sad to be honest.  But at the same time, thankful to have such a supportive husband and family to help me through this.

30 weeks!

30 weeks today!  I seriously cannot believe it's gone by so quickly...we are on the downhill slope now, and I can't wait to meet our sweet little boy.  We have been very productive since my last post!  Finally finished the laundry room, which funny enough was one of the first things I wanted to change when we bought our house, but we kind of ran out of motivation after renovating all the other rooms!  It was just a facelift really - fresh paint, new shelves, and some much needed additional storage, but it has already made life so much easier.  As far as the nursery goes, we still need to put the crib together (seriously need to get a move on that!!), take the glider to be reupholstered, hang curtains, and finish off the little decorative touches.  It's all things that can be done in a weekend, just need to actually commit a weekend to it. :)

For the most part I have been feeling good - still have a decent amount of energy, but I have been getting Braxton Hicks contractions on an increasing level.  They started at around 26 weeks, and I ended up seeing my doctor for them at 27 weeks.  Everything checked out ok at that visit, but since then they've only gotten worse.  It all seems to be related to activity (not even strenuous activity - I haven't exercised at all this pregnancy), with the majority of them occurring on busy days at work. Yesterday was my 30 week check up, and my doctor did another full exam and sono this time, and discovered that I am starting to show some shortening and thinning of the cervix.  She did a test that is a good indicator of preterm labor, and I should have those results back today or tomorrow, but for now she has restricted my activity - not to the point of bedrest, but to take it as easy as possible.  I'm really hoping and praying that I don't have to go on bedrest!!  I will do whatever it takes for this little guy to arrive here safe and sound though, and preferably not until October!  I have a follow up this Monday to check things again.  The good news is that the baby is healthy and active, but please be praying for me that this all slows down.  I'll keep you all posted on the results!

Halfway there!

It seems so surreal to say that.  After all the years of trying and praying, to know that in 4 1/2 months we will have a baby in our arms is incredible.  Even now, after seeing him several times on the sonograms and having felt him move inside me, I still don't quite believe it.

I know it's been a while since I've posted, but it felt like we just kept having issues come up and I was tired of talking about it honestly.  I wanted to wait until I felt like we had a better handle on what the situation was, and also to just feel a little more secure in the safety of this pregnancy.  All in all, I've had two weekend ER visits, one emergency doctor visit, and two visits to a perinatologist.  I am so thankful to the Lord to say that I haven't had any bleeding in four weeks now, which has been the longest stretch so far without an issue!  The doctors were concerned about a short cervix and a low-lying placenta, in addition to the hematoma, but everything seems to be normalizing at this point.  We had our 20 week sonogram today, and the little guy is doing just great!  I have another visit with the specialist next week, and I am hopeful that he will release me at that point.

So now it's time to finish getting ready!  The nursery is about halfway done, but we still have to organize all of our closets to make room for all the junk.  And clean out the garage, and I want to redo the laundry room, and the master bedroom, and fix the fence and plant a new flower bed, and try to squeeze in a weekend getaway.....is this list seeming long to anyone else??  :)  We better get started!

So much for boring....

Apparently an uneventful pregnancy is not meant for us.  Last Tuesday I had my first OB appointment and was all prepared to share how nice it is to go to a "normal" doctor's visit, one that is only happy with no worry involved.  Which I'll still elaborate on that in a little bit, but before I had a chance to blog, Friday night we ended up in the ER! 

I got home from work Friday about 5:30 and shortly after began bleeding again.  But this time it was A LOT.  Super scary to say the least, so I immediately called the doctor and spoke with the on-call nurse who told me to go straight to the ER.  Seth had to leave work early to come pick up, and we made our way to Baylor Grapevine.  I was trying to reassure myself that the doctor told me to expect to bleed again, but the amount this time is really what made me nervous.  Fortunately the ER was slow that evening, and we were seen right away by the doctor then straight to an ultrasound.  The sonographer prefaced the exam by saying she wasn't allowed to give results, but once the baby showed up on screen, she pointed at it and gave me the thumbs up.  Heart rate was strong at 177, and we were soooo relieved to see that little flash of the beat.  From there, I had another exam and then the doctor just said she had to review the sono results and we'd be on our way.  Both our parents were there, and my in-law's pastor stopped by for a few minutes to pray for me.  It was so thoughtful and meant so much to me.  While we were waiting, I got a Rhogam shot, and every so often they'd come in to tell me they were still waiting for the sono to be read by the radiologist.  FOUR HOURS LATER, the doctor came in with the results - apparently our sono got lost in transmission, like a glitch in the computer system or something - so that's what took so long.  She basically just reiterated what we already knew:  the bleeding was caused by the hematoma, take it easy, it should all be ok since the heartbeat is so strong. 

We finally left about 12:30am, exhausted and starving.  My sweet parents stayed the whole time with us, even though I kept telling them to go home and sleep!  I've been resting since then, and thankfully my work is closed for construction until next Wednesday, so I'll have plenty of time to relax. 

Now back to the happy stuff!  I called my OB this morning, and they wanted me to come in right away for the follow-up sonogram.  Since Seth was already at work, my mom went with me, and I'm so glad she did.  It was sweet to get to see her reaction to the sonogram - we heard the heartbeat again, could visualize the spine and the arm and leg buds (the sonographer said the baby looked like a teddy graham, which was a perfect description!), and we even got to see the baby move!  He (or she) just did a little wiggle right there!  It was so adorable.  I love all these images I'm getting so early on - only 8 1/2 weeks along and I've already had four sonos :) The nurse practitioner again told me just to rest as much as possible, but that these hematomas really don't have an effect on the outcome of the pregnancy.  Oh, I forgot to mention, the hematoma was smaller today than it was last week!  Praise the Lord!  Hopefully it just continues to shrink without causing anymore freak-out sessions :)

That's about it for now (which I think is quite enough for one week's time).  I have another appointment in three weeks, so here's hoping nothing happens between now and then!

First sonogram

Disclaimer :  this post gets a little graphic (not too bad - really just a warning for the guys!)

The past few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions.  It began Friday night, when around 7 o'clock I had some lower abdominal cramping that really concerned me.  Seth tried to reassure me it was nothing, but I knew it did not feel right.  Then about 9:30 when I went to use the restroom, I discovered that I was bleeding.  Not a whole lot, but it was red and that terrified me.  Poor Seth had fallen asleep on the couch and woke up to the sounds of me sobbing from the bathroom.  I just knew I was having a miscarriage, and all I could think was that I cannot handle this!!  After all we've been through, I do not have any strength left to endure that.  I immediately called the doctor, who advised me to increase my progesterone dosage (yes, the daily shots continue!), drink lots of fluids and rest as much as possible.  He told me to try not to worry - which, by the way, is IMPOSSIBLE - but to go to the ER if anymore bleeding occurred.  My sono was scheduled for Tuesday, so he said we just need to make it till then. 

Needless to say, I was a complete emotional wreck the next three days.  I have never been so worried in my entire life.  No amount of encouraging words or similar anecdotes could console me - I knew I would not feel better until the sonogram, and I also knew I couldn't wait until Tuesday for it.  Thankfully, I didn't have anymore incidences over the weekend, and first thing Monday morning I called the clinic to get me in that day.

During the sonogram, we discovered we have one healthy baby all snuggled in.  The heartbeat was strong at 125 (at six weeks they want it to be above 80 - I was 6wks 4days at that visit).  It was such a relief to see that heartbeat!!  I thought tears would come at that point, but they didn't - I think I was just in shock that it was all ok.  The sonographer also discovered that I have a subchorionic hematoma, which is what caused the bleeding Friday night.  This comes with increased risk, but usually it is not a problem and heals by first trimester end.  I do have to be extra cautious though - absolutely no lifting, no strenuous activity whatsoever, and rest as much as possible.   So the couch times continue!  

After the sonogram, when Seth and I were alone in a room waiting for the doctor, is when I broke down.  All the stress of the weekend came out at once, and I just sobbed.  Tears of joy, relief, worry, of every possible emotion really, just poured out.  I am glad that we had that little bit of time before the doctor came in.  When he did finally walk in, the first thing he said was that I scared him Friday night!  We laughed then and agreed that it was a terrifying experience.  He congratulated us, we thanked him for not giving up on us when things were looking grim, and then he admitted that he got a lot of heat from the partners in his practice for not canceling my IVF cycle.  But then he held up my chart and said "We did it!!" 

The whole situation still feels surreal - it's still weird to say that I'm pregnant - it still kind of hurts to talk about the baby, like it doesn't feel safe yet - even though the nausea is REALLY starting to kick in.  (That's not a fun thing at all, but I am thankful for it!)  I have graduated from the specialist and have my first OB appointment next week.  April 4 will be 12 weeks, so now we just have to make it till then.  Baby steps to second trimester!

In case you were wondering...

My test was positive.  It seems very surreal to me - after trying for four years it's not something that I was expecting to hear.  I found out at work and just immediately broke down sobbing in the storage closet.  Then I took a pregnancy test (a perk of working at a surgery center - free pregnancy tests!) just to make sure I had heard the nurse correctly.  Sure enough, two pink lines appeared.  I had stayed tough and did not test at all at home before the bloodwork was done, so this was the first time I'd ever seen two lines.  It was crazy. 

That was a Thursday, so I had to wait until Monday to do a repeat test to make sure my levels were rising properly.  (And yes, I took 3 more tests at home over the weekend!)  If everything is going well, the beta HCG should double every two days.  My first level was 101, so by Monday it should have been at least 404.  It came back at 639!!  Such a huge relief!  Now I will have my first sonogram in a couple of weeks to find out how many are in there, then be released to a regular OB.  I honestly still can't believe that it's true.  It feels very strange to say that I am pregnant. 

Seth is just as excited as I am (even though his first response when I told him it was positive was "weird" - haha!), but he is much better at staying calm and just taking things one step at a time.  I, on the other hand, am reading every possible piece of information I can get my hands on and trying not to stress out about things that could go wrong.  We realize that it is very early on to be sharing news like this, but our circumstance is not the norm, and you all have been so supportive that we didn't want to keep you hanging any longer.  We are choosing to celebrate and praise God for every milestone, and this is a pretty huge milestone.  God has been more than faithful throughout this process, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is a literal miracle and that all the glory goes to Him.  The doctor advised me to cancel this IVF cycle three times, but I felt like God was telling me to keep going, that He was in control of the situation, and sure enough He met our every need.   I am also so thankful for a doctor who believes in miracles and didn't give up on me. 

Please continue to pray that this would be a healthy pregnancy, especially since I am just 5 weeks right now, that we would make it through the first trimester without any complications.  We've crossed the biggest hurdle, but we still have a long way to go.  I am believing God for completion of this miracle come October :)

A few thoughts

It's been a whole week now since the transfer.  I've done a lot of movie watching, made it midway through season two of Downton Abbey (oh my GOSH so much is happening!), and started New Girl.  Don't know why I never watched that before - it's so hilarious!  Plus I secretly (well, not so secretly now) wish I was as cute as Zooey Deschanel.  I'm not near that quirky though ;)  What else have I done???  Oh - a LOT of eating.  Since wine is off limits at this point, it seems that nonstop noshing is the second best way to cope with stress. 

We find out in two days if it worked or not.  It's nerve-wracking going from having updates every day or every other day, to having to wait 9 days to find anything out.  I'm telling myself now I only have one more morning to wake up before the big day is here.  I have one favor to ask of everyone though - please understand the magnitude of the situation and do not ask us what the results are.  Whether the news is good or bad, we want to be able to share it in our own way and our own time.  In a normal pregnancy, all of Facebook wouldn't know the first week, so we kinda would like to maintain as much normalcy as possible in making the announcement to family and friends.  I'm sure you all understand.

Again, thanks for all the support and encouragement - I'll be talking to you soon!