Disclaimer : this post gets a little graphic (not too bad - really just a warning for the guys!)
The past few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. It began Friday night, when around 7 o'clock I had some lower abdominal cramping that really concerned me. Seth tried to reassure me it was nothing, but I knew it did not feel right. Then about 9:30 when I went to use the restroom, I discovered that I was bleeding. Not a whole lot, but it was red and that terrified me. Poor Seth had fallen asleep on the couch and woke up to the sounds of me sobbing from the bathroom. I just knew I was having a miscarriage, and all I could think was that I cannot handle this!! After all we've been through, I do not have any strength left to endure that. I immediately called the doctor, who advised me to increase my progesterone dosage (yes, the daily shots continue!), drink lots of fluids and rest as much as possible. He told me to try not to worry - which, by the way, is IMPOSSIBLE - but to go to the ER if anymore bleeding occurred. My sono was scheduled for Tuesday, so he said we just need to make it till then.
Needless to say, I was a complete emotional wreck the next three days. I have never been so worried in my entire life. No amount of encouraging words or similar anecdotes could console me - I knew I would not feel better until the sonogram, and I also knew I couldn't wait until Tuesday for it. Thankfully, I didn't have anymore incidences over the weekend, and first thing Monday morning I called the clinic to get me in that day.
During the sonogram, we discovered we have one healthy baby all snuggled in. The heartbeat was strong at 125 (at six weeks they want it to be above 80 - I was 6wks 4days at that visit). It was such a relief to see that heartbeat!! I thought tears would come at that point, but they didn't - I think I was just in shock that it was all ok. The sonographer also discovered that I have a subchorionic hematoma, which is what caused the bleeding Friday night. This comes with increased risk, but usually it is not a problem and heals by first trimester end. I do have to be extra cautious though - absolutely no lifting, no strenuous activity whatsoever, and rest as much as possible. So the couch times continue!
After the sonogram, when Seth and I were alone in a room waiting for the doctor, is when I broke down. All the stress of the weekend came out at once, and I just sobbed. Tears of joy, relief, worry, of every possible emotion really, just poured out. I am glad that we had that little bit of time before the doctor came in. When he did finally walk in, the first thing he said was that I scared him Friday night! We laughed then and agreed that it was a terrifying experience. He congratulated us, we thanked him for not giving up on us when things were looking grim, and then he admitted that he got a lot of heat from the partners in his practice for not canceling my IVF cycle. But then he held up my chart and said "We did it!!"
The whole situation still feels surreal - it's still weird to say that I'm pregnant - it still kind of hurts to talk about the baby, like it doesn't feel safe yet - even though the nausea is REALLY starting to kick in. (That's not a fun thing at all, but I am thankful for it!) I have graduated from the specialist and have my first OB appointment next week. April 4 will be 12 weeks, so now we just have to make it till then. Baby steps to second trimester!