38 weeks. Feeling thankful.

After all that we've been through, it looks like now our little one is content to stay put, which honestly is perfectly fine with me.  As someone said recently, making it to full term is a blessing, and I completely agree!  I've joked for the last couple weeks about how I'm ready for him to come anytime now, but the truth is the longer he is in, the stronger he gets, and I'm so happy he's stayed in.  Today I am just feeling over-the-top thankful for the last nine months.  I pray that we will have future pregnancies, but it's a very real possibility that this could be the only time I carry a child, and words are inadequate to explain the depth of my gratitude for our God's faithfulness.  I have loved every minute of being pregnant, even all the uncomfortable side effects and medical issues we've dealt with are miniscule when I consider the magnitude of the miracle inside me.  Feeling my child kick and roll around in my belly brings me indescribable joy.  I know I will miss that sensation when he comes, so for now I am cherishing the last few days left before his birth.  Because of this extra time we've been granted, we were able to have a baby shower this past weekend, and Seth and I were both completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and generosity from our family and friends.  The support and encouragement we've received throughout this journey has kept us going through the difficult times, so for that I say thank you.  

I'm looking forward to my next post being a birth announcement!

Isaiah 54

New King James Version (NKJV)

A Perpetual Covenant of Peace

54 “Sing, O barren,
You who have not borne!
Break forth into singing, and cry aloud,
You who have not labored with child!
For more are the children of the desolate
Than the children of the married woman,” says the Lord.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings;
Do not spare;
Lengthen your cords,
And strengthen your stakes.
3 For you shall expand to the right and to the left,
And your descendants will inherit the nations,
And make the desolate cities inhabited.

4 “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
6 For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
Says your God.
7 “For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you.
8 With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”
Says the Lord, your Redeemer.

9 “For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.
10 For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

11 “O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
13 All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
14 In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15 Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.

16 “Behold, I have created the blacksmith
Who blows the coals in the fire,
Who brings forth an instrument for his work;
And I have created the spoiler to destroy.
17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.

36 weeks and 2 "false alarms"

We made it to 36 weeks!!!  We reached our ultimate goal - I am so thankful to the Lord that He kept our little one safely inside this whole time.  It gives me such peace of mind knowing that our son is big enough and strong enough now to come when he decides.  Apparently though, he is being a little indecisive on when that time should be....

I stopped all of my medication on Monday and am off bedrest now.  Tuesday was my regularly scheduled 36 week appointment, and I woke up that morning having stronger, more regular contractions.  They gradually increased throughout the day, and by the time my 2:30 appointment rolled around, they were coming 3-4 minutes apart.  My doctor checked me, and I was 2cm dilated and 80% effaced.  She said it looks like this is it - go grab a bite to eat, walk around some more, and I'll see you at the hospital this evening!  I was soooo excited.  Finally it was happening!  Little guy had other plans though.  By 8:30 that evening, I was still only 2cm, so the nurses sent me home.

The next day (yesterday), the SAME THING happened!  Strong, increasingly intense contractions 3-4 minutes apart for two hours, so we headed back up to the hospital.  I made it to 3cm, so these are accomplishing something, and I've had some other lovely signs of labor that I'll spare you all the details, but after two hours at the hospital and no further progression, they sent me home again.

It seems that what I'm experiencing is called prodromal labor, which basically is a fancy term for early labor that starts and stops and could go on for days or weeks.  It does count for something in preparing your body for active labor, but it doesn't follow the typical pattern that most people think of when they think of labor.  One of the L&D nurses (the most wonderful nurse who I am really praying ends up in the room with me when I deliver) explained this term to me.  It makes me feel better to know that this is a legitimate process and not just something in my head (as a few of the other nurses have made me feel like I'm dumb and don't know what is really happening with my body...), but it is also a little frustrating knowing that this could drag on for days!  I've been contracting even while typing this.  My body is tired already and the really hard part hasn't even happened yet!

So, just another thing to add to a pregnancy journey that has been anything but normal.  The plus side to all this is that I've had more time to get the nursery together (it's looking just like I always dreamed my nursery to be), and it only needs a few finishing touches of artwork, and I'm waiting on a rug to be delivered.  Oh, and we bought a carseat!  I know you are all pleased to hear that.  I will be so happy when I finally get to hold my baby in my arms.  I know it will all be worth it - let's just get this show on the road already! :)

35 weeks!

Apparently I've been a little too quiet for some people's liking, so I thought I'd drop in a quick update for everyone. :)  I've been home for a week now, which is a thousand times better than being in the hospital, but it's still bedrest!  The days are long and boring, and it's reeeeeally difficult not to putter around the house and take care of all the chores that I see undone.  Seth has reprimanded me more than a few times for being too active!  I'm trying to be good though, because we need to make it one more week to truly be in the safe zone.  I saw my doctor on Tuesday and she said once I hit 36 weeks I can discontinue all my medications (I'm currently taking 3 different oral meds, 6 times throughout the day and night to keep the contractions at bay).  Then we'll just let nature take its course!  I'm anxious to see what my body does once I stop the meds, because even on them I still get some pretty intense contractions that sometimes go on for hours.  Hopefully that means the little guy will come quickly and easily once we give him the ok! Although I have a feeling I'm going to be that person who went into preterm labor and then ends up going past her due date......let's hope not!!  But we should probably buy a carseat now don't you think?? :)

Day 19

This last week started out pretty crazy to say the least.  We seriously thought we were going to have a baby last Monday.  I woke up at 6am with contractions that got progressively worse, to the point where I was in tears and they were coming two minutes apart.  I ended up getting three shots of terbutaline that really only slowed them but didn't stop them, so by 12:30 they were transferring me to labor and delivery to go on a magnesium drip.  Let me just say that I do not recommend these.  I know it was necessary, but it has the MOST miserable side effects!  They did a 24 hour drip, so I pretty much felt like I had a serious case of the flu during those 24 hours.  I had hot flashes, my whole body ached, and no energy to the point where I couldn't even lift my water bottle to take a drink.  I think that is the  most sick I've ever been in my entire life.

So that lasted until 2pm Tuesday, and what is amazing is that as soon as they turned off the magnesium, I felt almost back to normal within an hour!  It was crazy how fast it wore off.  The whole goal of the mag drip is to "wash" my system out so that the contractions will slow down and so that I will respond better to the terbutaline after,?l because the body can build up a tolerance to where that isn't as effective.

The next few days were pretty quiet, just an occasional terb shot, but then Saturday things picked up again and I had to go back on the mag drip.  For 30 hours this time.  It was terrible.  I really, really hope and pray that I don't have to do that again, because I honestly don't know if I have it in me to endure another round.  It is so taxing physically and emotionally.

Despite all the crazy contractions, the great news is that my cervix has held pretty steady throughout the whole ordeal.  It's at 1.6cm as of this morning, and the baby's estimated weight is 4lb 14oz, so he is a really good size for how far along I am.  That is so reassuring to me, that if he were to come early, that he already has a little head start on weight!  The doctor said this morning that if the cervix
continues to be stable, that she will let me go home at 34 weeks.  Still on bedrest, but at least I would  be in my own place, getting to eat my own food, hanging out with my dogs, sleeping in my own bed  and not getting woken up for meds all hours of the night!

So that's where we are. Potentially only 8-9 more days of this, unless the little guy decides to make an
 appearance :) I'll update again soon - wifi is pretty wonky at the hospital so that's been part of the
delay in posts.  Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement - it definitely helps!

Day 6

We're starting to get settled in to the hospital life routine.  I honestly can't complain about anything - I've received excellent care and every person that I've met here has been just wonderful. Antepartum is a different world than the regular floor - they pretty much just leave me alone unless I need them for anything.  The contractions are continuing, and today my doctor changed the parameters for getting a shot.  The on call doctor this weekend had ordered that if I have 8 contractions in an hour that I should get one, but my regular OB said 4 in an hour whether they see it on the monitor or not that I need a shot.  My cervix is continuing to shorten - yesterday it was down to 1.5cm, so we don't really have a lot of wiggle room to just contract all day.  So this morning I got a shot at 11:30 and that helped - things have been pretty quiet since then.  (ha - as I type that, I just had two contractions in seven minutes. We'll see how that goes!)

I am thankful to be where we are, thankful that our little one is staying put for now.  I am 31 weeks tomorrow, and our main goal is to make it to 34 weeks.  Any time past that will be icing on the cake.  Please also pray for my friend Jennifer who has gone into preterm labor with her twin boys at 27 weeks.  She needs it more than I do right now.  

Baylor Summer Vacay

Since no one really wants to talk about their cervix directly on facebook, I figured I'd leave all the fun details to the ole' blog.  I'll start with yesterday afternoon.

I started having pretty regular contractions at work yesterday around 1:45 (this was after only doing deskwork), which continued to get more intense and closer together, so I laid down on one of the stretchers to see if that would help.  They were soon 3-5 minutes apart, and at 3:45 my very sweet friend Mindy drove me up to the hospital and my mom met me there.  Seth arrived soon after.

Sure enough, it wasn't all in my head and those contractions were the real deal!  I was given a shot of terbutaline to slow them down (which has the not-so-fun side effects of anxiety, feeling jittery, and feeling like your heart is going to beat out of your chest), and also a shot of steroid to help the baby's lungs develop should anything happen.  Overnight they just monitored me and gave me extra IV fluids, and this morning I required another shot to slow contractions.  The specialist arrived about 9ish and did a sonogram to check the length of my cervix. (backtrack to Tuesday....my regular OB was concerned that the cervix was a little on the short side at 2.7cm.  She wanted it above 3).  So when he checked it today, it had shortened even more to 2.2cm.  Without a second breath, he said I will be in the hospital on bedrest for at least 2-4 weeks.  Closer to the 4 week mark being more realistic.  And possibly longer.  He wants me to be 36 weeks before he is comfortable with me delivering.

Soooo, yeah.  It's a bit of a shocker.

They will check the length again on Monday, and I'm not sure how frequently after that.  But I'm on another oral med every six hours to relax my uterus (and have a beet red, burning hot face because of that one).

I know I'm exactly where I need to be right now to keep my baby safe, and I know that God is absolutely in control, it's just not how anyone dreams of spending their first pregnancy.  I was looking forward to baby showers, and maternity pictures, and putting the finishing touches on the nursery.  And taking my maternity leave after he's born, not before.  I won't get to see my puppies for who knows how long, and those who really know me know that the beagle and I are a little codependent.  So I'm a little sad to be honest.  But at the same time, thankful to have such a supportive husband and family to help me through this.

30 weeks!

30 weeks today!  I seriously cannot believe it's gone by so quickly...we are on the downhill slope now, and I can't wait to meet our sweet little boy.  We have been very productive since my last post!  Finally finished the laundry room, which funny enough was one of the first things I wanted to change when we bought our house, but we kind of ran out of motivation after renovating all the other rooms!  It was just a facelift really - fresh paint, new shelves, and some much needed additional storage, but it has already made life so much easier.  As far as the nursery goes, we still need to put the crib together (seriously need to get a move on that!!), take the glider to be reupholstered, hang curtains, and finish off the little decorative touches.  It's all things that can be done in a weekend, just need to actually commit a weekend to it. :)

For the most part I have been feeling good - still have a decent amount of energy, but I have been getting Braxton Hicks contractions on an increasing level.  They started at around 26 weeks, and I ended up seeing my doctor for them at 27 weeks.  Everything checked out ok at that visit, but since then they've only gotten worse.  It all seems to be related to activity (not even strenuous activity - I haven't exercised at all this pregnancy), with the majority of them occurring on busy days at work. Yesterday was my 30 week check up, and my doctor did another full exam and sono this time, and discovered that I am starting to show some shortening and thinning of the cervix.  She did a test that is a good indicator of preterm labor, and I should have those results back today or tomorrow, but for now she has restricted my activity - not to the point of bedrest, but to take it as easy as possible.  I'm really hoping and praying that I don't have to go on bedrest!!  I will do whatever it takes for this little guy to arrive here safe and sound though, and preferably not until October!  I have a follow up this Monday to check things again.  The good news is that the baby is healthy and active, but please be praying for me that this all slows down.  I'll keep you all posted on the results!