First sonogram

Disclaimer :  this post gets a little graphic (not too bad - really just a warning for the guys!)

The past few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions.  It began Friday night, when around 7 o'clock I had some lower abdominal cramping that really concerned me.  Seth tried to reassure me it was nothing, but I knew it did not feel right.  Then about 9:30 when I went to use the restroom, I discovered that I was bleeding.  Not a whole lot, but it was red and that terrified me.  Poor Seth had fallen asleep on the couch and woke up to the sounds of me sobbing from the bathroom.  I just knew I was having a miscarriage, and all I could think was that I cannot handle this!!  After all we've been through, I do not have any strength left to endure that.  I immediately called the doctor, who advised me to increase my progesterone dosage (yes, the daily shots continue!), drink lots of fluids and rest as much as possible.  He told me to try not to worry - which, by the way, is IMPOSSIBLE - but to go to the ER if anymore bleeding occurred.  My sono was scheduled for Tuesday, so he said we just need to make it till then. 

Needless to say, I was a complete emotional wreck the next three days.  I have never been so worried in my entire life.  No amount of encouraging words or similar anecdotes could console me - I knew I would not feel better until the sonogram, and I also knew I couldn't wait until Tuesday for it.  Thankfully, I didn't have anymore incidences over the weekend, and first thing Monday morning I called the clinic to get me in that day.

During the sonogram, we discovered we have one healthy baby all snuggled in.  The heartbeat was strong at 125 (at six weeks they want it to be above 80 - I was 6wks 4days at that visit).  It was such a relief to see that heartbeat!!  I thought tears would come at that point, but they didn't - I think I was just in shock that it was all ok.  The sonographer also discovered that I have a subchorionic hematoma, which is what caused the bleeding Friday night.  This comes with increased risk, but usually it is not a problem and heals by first trimester end.  I do have to be extra cautious though - absolutely no lifting, no strenuous activity whatsoever, and rest as much as possible.   So the couch times continue!  

After the sonogram, when Seth and I were alone in a room waiting for the doctor, is when I broke down.  All the stress of the weekend came out at once, and I just sobbed.  Tears of joy, relief, worry, of every possible emotion really, just poured out.  I am glad that we had that little bit of time before the doctor came in.  When he did finally walk in, the first thing he said was that I scared him Friday night!  We laughed then and agreed that it was a terrifying experience.  He congratulated us, we thanked him for not giving up on us when things were looking grim, and then he admitted that he got a lot of heat from the partners in his practice for not canceling my IVF cycle.  But then he held up my chart and said "We did it!!" 

The whole situation still feels surreal - it's still weird to say that I'm pregnant - it still kind of hurts to talk about the baby, like it doesn't feel safe yet - even though the nausea is REALLY starting to kick in.  (That's not a fun thing at all, but I am thankful for it!)  I have graduated from the specialist and have my first OB appointment next week.  April 4 will be 12 weeks, so now we just have to make it till then.  Baby steps to second trimester!

In case you were wondering...

My test was positive.  It seems very surreal to me - after trying for four years it's not something that I was expecting to hear.  I found out at work and just immediately broke down sobbing in the storage closet.  Then I took a pregnancy test (a perk of working at a surgery center - free pregnancy tests!) just to make sure I had heard the nurse correctly.  Sure enough, two pink lines appeared.  I had stayed tough and did not test at all at home before the bloodwork was done, so this was the first time I'd ever seen two lines.  It was crazy. 

That was a Thursday, so I had to wait until Monday to do a repeat test to make sure my levels were rising properly.  (And yes, I took 3 more tests at home over the weekend!)  If everything is going well, the beta HCG should double every two days.  My first level was 101, so by Monday it should have been at least 404.  It came back at 639!!  Such a huge relief!  Now I will have my first sonogram in a couple of weeks to find out how many are in there, then be released to a regular OB.  I honestly still can't believe that it's true.  It feels very strange to say that I am pregnant. 

Seth is just as excited as I am (even though his first response when I told him it was positive was "weird" - haha!), but he is much better at staying calm and just taking things one step at a time.  I, on the other hand, am reading every possible piece of information I can get my hands on and trying not to stress out about things that could go wrong.  We realize that it is very early on to be sharing news like this, but our circumstance is not the norm, and you all have been so supportive that we didn't want to keep you hanging any longer.  We are choosing to celebrate and praise God for every milestone, and this is a pretty huge milestone.  God has been more than faithful throughout this process, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is a literal miracle and that all the glory goes to Him.  The doctor advised me to cancel this IVF cycle three times, but I felt like God was telling me to keep going, that He was in control of the situation, and sure enough He met our every need.   I am also so thankful for a doctor who believes in miracles and didn't give up on me. 

Please continue to pray that this would be a healthy pregnancy, especially since I am just 5 weeks right now, that we would make it through the first trimester without any complications.  We've crossed the biggest hurdle, but we still have a long way to go.  I am believing God for completion of this miracle come October :)

A few thoughts

It's been a whole week now since the transfer.  I've done a lot of movie watching, made it midway through season two of Downton Abbey (oh my GOSH so much is happening!), and started New Girl.  Don't know why I never watched that before - it's so hilarious!  Plus I secretly (well, not so secretly now) wish I was as cute as Zooey Deschanel.  I'm not near that quirky though ;)  What else have I done???  Oh - a LOT of eating.  Since wine is off limits at this point, it seems that nonstop noshing is the second best way to cope with stress. 

We find out in two days if it worked or not.  It's nerve-wracking going from having updates every day or every other day, to having to wait 9 days to find anything out.  I'm telling myself now I only have one more morning to wake up before the big day is here.  I have one favor to ask of everyone though - please understand the magnitude of the situation and do not ask us what the results are.  Whether the news is good or bad, we want to be able to share it in our own way and our own time.  In a normal pregnancy, all of Facebook wouldn't know the first week, so we kinda would like to maintain as much normalcy as possible in making the announcement to family and friends.  I'm sure you all understand.

Again, thanks for all the support and encouragement - I'll be talking to you soon!